IR Simulation: Quotes From Press Conference

Quirks and Quagmires, Funny and Fallacious
Oct 13, 2009 10:45 AM

Jerry Zheng
TOH Correspondent
&
Mark Melnyk
Designated Scribe

Iran:
“The world would be a safer place without Israel”
“To get rid of Israel would be beneficial to Iran and all countries of the world”
“To gain peace we are going to have to go through war”
“Iran does not have nuclear weapons”
“We have nuclear facilities for nuclear energy”
“Nuclear energy is a source of good, not a source of evil”

Afghanistan
“Let my country get stabilized, then we’ll talk about the U.S.”

China


“High crime rate in China, so we need capital punishment to stop people from stealing my purse”.
“China has poor morals, so they need to go to jail”.

Fatah
“We can’t say that Israel is going to be destroyed, we are not going to bomb Israelis in schoolyards. We are going to use diplomacy, and we do not want to be recognized as a terrorist group. That is why we feel we are most suited to lead the Palestinian people.”

India
“In terms of security, Israel is our second highest trading partner”

Pakistan
“Its not Pakistan causing the problems, its terrorists”
“Since 9-11, we have always helped the United States”

Israel
“We have defended ourselves numerous times against Arab aggressors, so even though we have gained land, we do not deserve to toll over and give the land back. We have simply been defending ourselves.”
“We can justify our settlements because we were attacked by other nations”
“I do not want to talk about our use of Phosphorous bombs”

Russia

to Israel
“So are you saying you are terrorists?”
“You are slapping Iran on the wrists, yet you have been stealing Russian research”

General Questions for Russia
“The Arctic can and will be used by terrorists”
“The only thing you can be certain about is yourself”
“My purpose in taking the Arctic is to insure safety for my world and the Western world”
“We are saving the Arctic for ecological reasons”
“We are going to start exploitation of the Arctic region by 2020.”
“It is Russia’s inherent duty to expand itself”
“The Arctic is an extension of the Russian continental shelf, so we own it”


United States
Biden: “It is not the media’s duty to question democracy”

Hamas
“Lets make this clear, our one goal is to get our land back”
“We want to make a statement by attacking people”
“Israel is provoking us”
“The enemy of Palestine is Israel”
“We want our land back!!”

Meanwhile the President of France, Nicolas Sarkozy, who was only a spectator to the entire spectacle was courting his lovely wife, Carla Bruni, outside the press conference building where several onlookers witnessed the two touching each other inappropriately.